Sports Go Sports by Garfunkel and Oates

The Kody Brown Family--Sister Wives

I have always wanted to be part of something bigger than me, but I don’t do people well. That can be taken on several levels. Those that know me well will understand, but for those that don’t, please take it on any level that suits you.

In 2010, I started watching a reality show called Sister Wives & fell so in love with their story. I couldn’t believe that the American people were so prejudice against people wanting to follow what their god had called them to do. All injustice infuriates me, but persecution of human beings really makes me want to become The Incredible Hulk on their asses. To be fair, I am not under the delusion that I fell in love with Kody as a man, nor am I attracted to any of his wives. It’s the journey. I’ve laughed with them, cried with them, cringed with them, & rejoiced & celebrated with them. I pray for them regularly, as God lays them on my heart. I was, & still am, in love with the familial bond.

The Brown Family has caused me to question my own calling. I was raised to believe that white is right, & even as a small child I knew in my very soul that it was wrong (my natural mother was the one that really instilled this in me as she rebelled against her own family’s racists views). I also believed that a marriage was betwixt one man & one woman, once a cheater always a cheater, & homosexuality is an abomination to god (in the old testament, this in fact a truth Leviticus 18:22 KJV, but the new testament doesn’t mention it at all). There are so many restrictions in the Old Testament, but I know I live under Christ. I refuse to be drenched in religious dogma any longer.

Christ didn’t come to earth to change the law but to add to it & fulfill it. Most of the Old Testament laws were created by man. God’s laws are different, if one chooses to believe Paul’s teachings. I believe every single word that came out of Christ’s mouth, whether from the bible or The Gospel of St. Thomas. St. Thomas was Jesus’ scribe, & his gospel contains quotes from Jesus & his interactions with his disciples. It contains the stuff that Constantine & King James didn’t want the people to know—like the true power that resides in every single one of us!

The Brown’s have also caused me to question the LDS & the FLDS. If Joseph Smith was a prophet of god, then how can one sect believe in polygamy & the other not at all? FEAR!

In my opinion, Kody Brown is a prophet of God. He has a firm belief in Christ, & he’s shedding light on that which was forcibly shoved into darkness (which opened the door for evil). Hiding who you are will make you a victim. That’s how many polygamists were/are able to hurt their children & oppress their wives. The truth will set you free (as long as you’re not harming others), & I relish it when the Brown’s express their freedom.

For me, I choose to be single, & it works for me. The Brown’s chose polygamy, & it works for them. There are so many people that claim to be monogamous, but are they? Really? The divorce amongst one partner couples is outrageous, & once divorced & remarried one cannot claim monogamy. Afterall, monogamy means one partner for the rest of your life. Divorce causes instability for the children, so who’s to say that one is wrong? There seems to be a lot of finger-pointing & not enough ownership of one’s own self. It’s so ridiculous.

There was an episode that included a fortune teller, by the name of Mystic Mona, & I honestly think that there were a few errors in her predictions. Maybe because I know that one should cleanse the Tarot cards in between each person that one reads. Albeit her predictions seemed fairly accurate, I think that the people got jumbled. For example, when Mystic Mona said that Meri needed to be watchful because of illness amongst the children, I honestly think that she was reading Christine. Afterall, Truley (Christine’s daughter) almost died from dehydration & acute kidney failure not long after the reading. I do think that Mystic Mona was spot-on accurate when she predicted a fifth wife for Kody. I had felt that premonition when I started watching the show. If he has decided not to take a fifth wife, does that mean that he is closing himself to the possibility? It’d be disheartening if he shut himself off from hearing what God may be trying to say.

I used to also believe that noone could see Christ again until after physical death. Thanks to my youngest daughter, I now believe that Christ will show himself to people during & after a spiritual transformation. Also, as I am not God (only part of the collective body), I cannot judge others’ experience. If the prophets’ testimonies corroborate Christ’s message, then I can only accept them. That is, until I’m led down another path or I uncover a new truth.

The Brown’s have a fairly strict modesty policy regarding clothing, & for them it works. Personally, I could care less about clothing. In fact, the fewer clothes I wear, the happier I am. As a parent, I agree that if we want our children to behave a certain way or dress in a particular fashion then we should set the example. For me, I let my children run around nude until other people started telling them that it was “weird.”

As I am a human being, I have my own unique opinions, just like everyone else. So, here’s my take on the Kody Brown family:

Kody:  Such a handsome fella. He seems to want to show the positive side to living in a plural marriage. I also believe he is a prophet of God. I don’t practice Mormonism, but I can appreciate a prophet of God.

Meri:  A perfectionist. She has a passion for entertaining. She wants to grow as an individual, & I admire her for going back to school.

Janelle:  Her weight loss & personal journey inspires me. She is all about the numbers. Sensible & business-minded. Starting to make her voice heard.

Christine:  The princess. She loves deeply & has a strong calling to stay at home with the children. She has forgiven her mother but holds a grudge over a comment made by a friend of Kody’s. She confuses me. Great at presentations.

Robyn:  Emotional. She feels deeply. Everything about her is “all in” or “all out.” I’m praying that as she finds her niche in the family that she will see that everything changes. She is a peacemaker.

I can relate to all five parents. However, I’ve had personal “experiences” via the show with Kody, Meri, Janelle, Christine. Weight loss, personal & spiritual growth, a miscarriage, & nearly losing a child hit my heart deeply.

I don’t know why I can’t warm up to Robyn, but I know that it’s something in me, not necessarily a fault in her. From what I’ve witnessed, she tries to make peace betwixt Kody and the other wives. It is my personal opinion that she should stay out of Kody’s relationships with his other wives, especially Meri. I think she feels the need to fix everything so that her world won’t be chaotic. Aha! Maybe that’s it! I used to try to fix everything, so that I could be at peace. Maybe I resent that part of me a little. That could be transferring to my thoughts on Robyn. Unlike me, she has an idealistic view on how love & family should work. Her presentation on love & chastity moved me. I don’t have the same ideas about sex, but I identify deeply with her struggles to make her past right. It can make a person feel like a complete failure in the eyes of God & man. I keep trying to like Robyn, & I pray that God will soften me soon as I’m not fond of the feeling I get when I can’t connect. The fact that I only know her from televisions makes it worse.

Some days I want to be the grandmother in a polygamist family, like Annie. Other days, I like my freedom so much that the very thought of being tied down makes me as frightened as a cornered animal.

For me, monogamy is a setup for failure. Polygamy is too much commitment. Although I relish solidarity, it isn’t an option as I need people. Even Jesus had his companions.

I will continue to watch this family grow as long as they’re still on the tellie.

In conclusion, I am in a stasis state. It seems only logical for me to make only the decisions that are in my NOW & near future.

Today, I am a Loser

Frazzled

Restless

Angry

Gnawing

Menagerie

Enraged

Negativity

Tested

Exasperation

Depressed

My thoughts are fragmented. There’s just so much. Too much. It seems my life has always been hampered by others, & I can’t seem to open the lid, release the building combustion, & fly free. In my soul I know that I am at peace, but my negative self-talk & the voices of others keeps shutting the hamper lid & shitting atop it.

My faith in god & Christ in me is rock solid, & that NEVER seems to waiver (as if my soul knows the truth). However, I have no faith in me & most other people.

I’ve been feeling very volatile lately. I want to release the raging bitch that I stifle yet continues to boil. It would feel so good to tell everyone that frustrates me to FUCK OFF!

I’m feeling like a complete loser. I didn’t finish high school. I got my GED (general education diploma), but that doesn’t feel like a milestone. Passing a GED exam for someone with my intelligence is like goodie-two-shoes passing a urinalysis drug screening. I never finished college. I have difficulty obtaining & retaining employment because my quest for justice surpasses my ability to conform & stand idly by.

I am so tired of being poverty-stricken , but am I tired enough to kowtow? I want to make money from home, but most of the offered home business opportunities are scams. I want to move closer to the comedy clubs to surround others like me. I want to perform, but I have such a fear of rejection that I never do it anymore. However, I don’t want to move away from my grandchildren. They are my heart.

There are times (SHH! DON’T TELL ANYONE) that I just want someone to take care of me financially because independence sucks. These times are VERY few & far between, but they do surface occasionally.

As soon as I see a ray of hope, my past rears up. It was diagnosed as PTSD. I am a survivor of physical, psychological, sexual, & ritualistic abuse, but I want to do more than simply survive. I want to live. I don’t know how to do it without compromising who I am, & that leaves me feeling like a loser.

My hope for me is peace, love, & happiness. . .