New Study Concludes: Everyone Knows You're Stoned

Have you ever smoked a joint & wondered if everyone knows? Well, according to a video clip from everyone’s favorite news source, The Onion. Dr. Phillip Blanton, PHD, a neurologist from Mass General Hospital, “everyone can smell the marijuana on your breath and on your clothes.” Also, “everyone is laughing at you.” The in-depth report also states that “You are probably about to die, “ and, “you were once a baby, now you’re a criminal.” Thus, you may be laughing too much, & everyone is messing with you. “If you’re young and smoke marijuana, you’ll probably never find a job,” according to Dr. Blanton. “If you’re adult, you’ll probably get fired,” he says. The new research shows that your brain must be broken, & you shouldn't have done this.

That said, since the smell of marijuana lingers long after the original smoke-session, it goes without saying that paper currency will absorb such an aroma. Although the aforementioned was a farce, this is a true account:  As stated in an article, dated October 4, 2013, by Dominic Kelly on the Opposing Views website, a man in Sebastopol, CA was pulled over for speeding. When the police searched his trunk, William David Bush had $47,000 cash in his possession. The authorities suspected that it was drug money, but when the search didn't uncover any actual marijuana they arrested & booked him because of the smell. There was other evidence, like remnants of marijuana scattered throughout the trunk & the floor of the car, but “the odor was so overwhelming that one of the officers said he could smell it from across the road,” said the prosecutor.

And a little bit on the lighter side for conclusion. . .  Recently, there have been rumors that the bears in Yellowstone are living the high life, & one park ranger has evidence of the truth. Anyone that has ever believed in Yogi Bear & Boo-boo know that bears have been lighting up for years! Why do you think they’re always after the pic-i-nic baskets? Munchies, dude! They gots the freaking munchies, man! If the ranger was a marijuana user, he might have wanted to take the quiz that asks, "how long could you survive after kicking a bear in the ba&@s?" That'd given him enough time to grab the spliff for himself. Instead, Tanner Roseheimer reported that he found a bear, sitting on a picnic table bench, smoking a doobie. His supervisor told him that the bear probably got hooked up by a college kid vacationing from Colorado. All of this can be read on The Spoof!

In short, you smell like pot, will probably be high forever, & you might have your stash stolen by park bears that need to be kicked in the huevos. :)